Walk a Mile In My Shoes

Walk a mile in my shoes. It’s a timely topic that many companies are talking about today.  We’ve all heard the phrase, but what does it really mean and why should we care about it? A lot has changed for everyone in the last 2 years, in the most significant global event in several generations. 

Our lines were blurred between work and life, throwing the term work-life-balance out the window.  Every aspect of our daily lives was turned upside down. Companies had to pivot big time just to survive.  We adapted and managed through it all.  Now, as we are putting this all past us, new capabilities have emerged as skills we need to master to be effective and satisfied in today’s workplace.

New terms such as “the great resignation” and “quiet quitting” have surfaced, challenging leaders and companies to think differently about leading their people.  In order to lead effectively through this a high degree of emotional intelligence must be exercised.

What is Emotional Intelligence or EQ?  EQ first shows up as demonstrating empathy for another in our words and actions. Empathy is seeing the world through the eyes of another.  Understanding the feelings of another.  It doesn’t mean you always agree but, that you are willing to appreciate.  Where there is empathy an environment of open communication is fostered.

When you place yourself in someone else’s shoes you are really listening, becoming a part of their story.

When you place yourself in someone else’s shoes you are really listening, becoming a part of their story.  Everyone has a story and trying to understand someone else’s is demonstrating that empathy.

There 4 elements of empathy

o   See their world

o   Understand their feelings

o   Appreciate them as human beings

o   Communicate understanding 

It’s saying things like, “I can understand how you feel…” or “I’m so sorry to hear that…”

It’s ok to not have all the answers to express empathy but simply listening goes a long way.

Empathy is not sympathy.  Berne Brown describes the differences very well.  Empathy fuels connection.  Sympathy drives disconnection.  Empathy lets the other person know they are not alone. Sympathy tries to rationalize by creating an unnecessary silver lining.   Understanding each other better and becoming a more empathetic organization is a top priority for companies today.

Let’s take the example of Landon, a client I recently worked with.  He was the head of a very large manufacturing facility. He was a leader with very low EQ.  His leaders knew it and his peers and team felt it.  He is highly educated, with two masters and an MBA.  He was quick to diagnose and solve problems.  He could read and decipher data like no one else.  And he let everyone know, he was the smartest guy in the room.  He was low EQ showed up as lacking empathy and self-awareness.

While he’d enjoyed success as an individual contributor as a leader he was failing.  Think about leading a manufacturing facility.  The bulk of your work force are front line workers, most likely not with 3 advanced level degrees. His lack of empathy was keeping him out of touch with his team, seeming tone-deaf to what mattered to them. 

But he wanted to be successful, and, through coaching with me, worked really hard on becoming a more empathetic leader.  He became more flexible in listening to others’ ideas before speaking, connected with his people by helping them understand the data that came so easily for him and he developed more self-awareness.  In other words, his EQ showed up as being a leader more in touch with his team.  

Empathy, takes more practice for some than others.  There’s nothing wrong with that, in we are all wired differently. 

Think for a minute about a recent incident where someone else was hurting or had something difficult happen in their lives.  It could be professional, in a pitch to a client did not go well, or a campaign did not deliver the expected results.  Or it could be personal, that a family member lost their job or they got outbid on yet another house.  How did you handle it?  Can you replay in your mind, how you might have responded with more empathy? 

Empathy, takes more practice for some than others.  There’s nothing wrong with that, in we are all wired differently.  But when practiced, it benefits everyone whether at home or with your co-workers or even your clients.  Walk that mile, in someone else’s shoes.